I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
