i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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