You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
