The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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