I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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