happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize