Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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