I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize