My sheets look like a crime scene.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
