It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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