I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
