Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
