please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
