How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
