i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.