I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.