Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize