This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
