I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
wanna go halves on a baby?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
