it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She bit a glass in half.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
