I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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