I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
