I think I died a long time ago.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
