dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
