I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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