Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
