Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
