Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
