After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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