just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
