You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
