You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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