I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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