I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
