he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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