I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
