her vagine was all disorganized.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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