tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
