This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
