I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
