Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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