guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
