yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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