yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
