you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
