The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
