I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
