Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
