i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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