we're chasing vodka with high fives
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
