chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
