You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
