Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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