just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
