he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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