We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
