He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
