Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
