You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
