I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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