I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how does that bad decision feel?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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