I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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