dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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