hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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