Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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